How to Change Habits
Habit change isn't just personal development—it's a strategic advantage that separates breakthrough performers from those stuck in limiting patterns. Leaders who master their behavioral loops create competitive advantages while their competitors remain trapped by unconscious defaults.
Finding the best way to change habits was frustrating for me before I truly understood how they are created. I'd commit to a shift, my heart filled with good intentions. Then, sometimes sooner rather than later, I'd fall back into the same habits. Which was beyond frustrating and defeating.
Then I learned the anatomy of a human habit – and how to change them! Here's that scoop.
Attention Creates Habits
Our habits are formed over time, thanks to the power of repetitive attention in our brain. As the attention repeats, our brain begins to hardwire it into what's known as a habit loop.
Over time, many repetitive habit loops become unconscious – for example, driving. How often do you get to your destination and not really remember all of the driving behaviors that got you there? That's an unconscious habit loop.
In business, I've watched executives unconsciously default to reactive decision-making under pressure, checking email every few minutes, or immediately saying "yes" to requests without strategic consideration. These unconscious patterns often determine whether leaders create breakthrough results or remain stuck in operational firefighting.
When you consider that over 95% of our behaviors and decisions are driven by our unconscious, these habit loops become very important in our lives and in our ability to change. Whether you're a parent trying to model patience for your kids, an artist developing creative discipline, or a CEO building strategic thinking muscles—the same neuroscience applies.
When we consciously choose to break bad habits – we can use the components of that habit to create triggers that allow us to shift the behavior.
It takes more than a commitment to shift our behavior. It takes repeated attention to the right habit that we want.
The Power of Repeated Attention
Part of the challenge in shifting our habits is the internal conflict around those very habits.
We process new information in our unconscious mind. That new information or behavior sticks in our unconscious mind for 21-30 days.
After that time has passed, we move that information or new habit loop into our conscious mind for long term storage and access.
When we begin to replace a habit pattern with a new pattern, our unconscious mind leads the shift. After all, this is a new piece of behavior to become a habit.
The challenge begins when our conscious mind accesses our habitual memory and throws on the brakes. Even as our unconscious mind is suggesting a new behavior, our conscious mind is forcing our known habit, triggering our unconscious mind to focus on the safety that habit brings.
I've seen this play out dramatically in corporate environments. A leader commits to strategic thinking time each morning, but when crisis hits, they immediately revert to reactive problem-solving. Their conscious mind recognizes the old pattern as "safe" and "proven," even when it's limiting their effectiveness.
The same pattern shows up everywhere—the parent who wants to respond calmly but defaults to old reactive patterns when kids push boundaries, the entrepreneur who commits to boundaries but works 80-hour weeks when pressure mounts, the creative who wants consistent practice but abandons routines when life gets complex.
The result? We are conflicted.
In the presence of conflict or threat – innate status quo bias drives us to default to the known, or in this case, the bad or unwanted habit.
How to Change Habits
It's actually fairly simple, it just takes patience and diligence.
To change a habit, we consciously and repeatedly pay attention to the new habit we want. We use our attention on the new habits we want to reprogram, or break, the old unwanted habits.
We've all heard that it takes about 21 -30 days to change a habit, give or take.
In practice, this looks different across contexts:
For executives, it might mean consciously practicing strategic pause before making decisions, visualizing themselves asking "What's the strategic implication?" before responding to urgent requests.
For parents, it could be repeatedly practicing calm breathing and counting to three before responding to challenging behavior, imagining themselves as the patient, present parent they want to be.
For entrepreneurs, it might mean consciously redirecting attention from urgent tasks to important strategic work, repeatedly visualizing the business outcomes that come from focused priority management.
We have to consciously pay attention to the new choice long enough and for enough repetitions to replace the old habit stored in our conscious mind. That's where attention density comes into action, or the amount of attention and the length of the attention.
Another key is to pay attention to what we want using our senses, not our logic. You see, our unconscious mind is sensory in its nature. It doesn't use words, it uses sensory data; sight, feelings, sounds, tastes and smells.
When you shift your attention to what you want, create sensory information to show your unconscious mind what you want. Use your senses to imagine the life you deserve. Daydream and crank up the technicolor, feelings and sound!
Make it visceral:
See yourself confidently leading that strategic conversation
Feel the calm energy of responding rather than reacting to your teenager
Hear the specific words you'll use when setting that boundary with a demanding client
Experience the satisfaction of completing your morning creative practice before checking any devices
The Bottom Line
The good news is that for everyday habits, once we consciously change our attention to focus on new habits for ~30 days, our habit loop and wiring changes. We break the unwanted habits by replacing them with our new choice, and we successfully adapt.
You can do anything for 30 days, right? So of course you can focus and stick to your commitment for 3 to 4 weeks. You will be successful.
Whether you're transforming reactive leadership patterns, building sustainable creative practices, establishing healthy boundaries in relationships, or developing strategic thinking muscles—the neuroscience is identical. The competitive advantage goes to those who understand this process and apply it consistently.
Your unconscious mind doesn't distinguish between personal and professional contexts. Master this process once, and you have a tool for breakthrough results in every area of your life.
Image courtesy of mrgabityt
