The Science to Ditch Your Fear
Bottom Line Up Front: Fear of failure has become the default operating system for too many of us. We’ve been programmed to focus on our own blame and mental witch hunts. It's costing us in terms of innovation and productivity, not to mention personal angst. We can reprogram our minds, when we understand the science behind the fear.
Elizabeth Holmes had everything - $9 billion valuation, magazine covers, world-changing vision.
The fear of failing destroyed it all.
When her blood-testing tech didn't work, she had two choices: admit the failure or fake the results. She chose fraud. She intimidated employees who questioned the tech. Fired whistleblowers. Ran fake tests on real patients.
She's in federal prison for eleven years. Not exactly what any of us would want.
We Are Humans in Business
Thing is, fear is human. We all have an instinct thats wired to run from the big guy in the dark alley.
Fear of failure? That's programmed into us by our supposed society.
Watch any toddler learning to walk - they fall down fifty times a day and just get back up giggling. They don't know falling is 'failure' until our culture programs it in.
Right now, that programmed fear has a stronger hold than ever. The drive for more profit, more power, more everything is escalating our fear of failing to fulfill that drive.
We view Elizabeth's actions as extreme, but are they really? Look around:
Boeing knew planes weren't safe but kept production going
Big Pharma pushes drugs they know are addictive
Tech companies knowingly manipulate kids' mental health on social media
Banks created fake accounts to hit numbers
All designed to drive profit over people. All driven by fear of failing, more specifically the fear of not having as much as the other guy.
Humanity Meets the Fear of Failure
I often wonder if older civilizations had such a fear of failure? I'm sure those going to war in hand to hand combat had it - failure was death. That said, it seems the failure response is jacked up on high in today's world, a combination of greed, desire to be in the 1%, not to mention the failures being publicized for all to see and jeer.
You’ll remember these recent examples.
Research shows that 49% of entrepreneurs won't start a business because they're afraid of failing. Remember Star Wars? United Artists had first dibs. Their response? 'Too strange. Too risky.' Their fear caused them to pass on the biggest franchise in entertainment history.
42% of executives say fear of failure is their largest obstacle to innovation. Did you know that Xerox invented the PC? Had it working. Their executives couldn't see past the fear of cannibalizing their copier business. They dismissed it. Steve Jobs walked in and the rest is history.
72% of CEOs fear losing their jobs, causing many to feel like they're betting their careers on every single decision. We all know Boeing. Seems the execs were so afraid of missing the numbers that they ignored safety warnings. Quality control failed 33 of 89 safety audits. Then, a door literally flew off a plane mid-flight.
We all know fear can be valuable in dangerous situations. That’s not necessarily the case as we live our daily lives.
The Neuroscience Behind Fear of Failure
Your unconscious mind can't tell the difference between a failed quarter and a guy pointing a gun at you. Both are threats. Both trigger your fight or flight response.
When you fear failure, your sympathetic nervous system goes into overdrive. Your mind triggers on high alert, searching for threats everywhere. You focus on those threats and normal sense fades. This response can last for hours or even days after the 'threat' is gone. Your mind stays hypervigilant.
Over time, neuroplasticity rewires our brains to make that fear our default state.
That's right. We program ourselves to expect threats. To see potential failure everywhere we look.
Which is why a single fear of failure trigger fules more diverse fears of potential failure. Your mind seeks out the threats, and it finds them. And the cycle accelerates and strengthens.
My Ever Impending Doom
I learned early to fear failure. My dad raised me that there were consequences for anything short of perfection. From childhood to adulthood, I did everything I could to be perfect. It was easier then. I was acting on my own when it came to straight As, golf, piano, singing, horses and more. I could control almost everything so I basked in success.
That all changed when I started working as the first woman in the company that wasn't a "secretary." I not only had to be perfect to assuage my childhood fears, I had to be more than perfect to survive the less than supportive environment. I can count the souls who helped me on one hand during those years.
I learned to work my tail off. Long hours and weekends were my norm. They gave me a small sense of protection. Yet the sobs started as soon as I got home and closed the door. Sometimes wracking as I replayed my day; the not so sly comments, the oh so inappropriate jokes, the digs, the rolled eyes. No matter what I did, how good I was or how much I delivered, the spectre of failure was always lurking.
I lived my life like that until my late 20s, when I finally said WHAT THE HELL and quit my job. I started my own consulting company. Almost overnight I was accepted: smart, hard working, an uncanny knack of seeing markets in ways others didn't. I was less of a threat. Because I didn't work for the company anymore. I wasn't a woman in the business upsetting the status quo. I was a woman with the skills and talents to help the business grow in its success.
Yet, still I feared.
How I Challenged Fear
Fear is an instinct. It's also learned as a habit over time.
When fear is persistent, we get stuck in fight or flight mode as our brains and bodies attempt to protect us from perceived external threats. That's neuroplasticity in action. Our minds literally train our nervous systems to stay on high alert.
Especially when we are programmed that Failure Can Ruin Our World.
The good news? Our neuroplasticity can rewire our fear-driven habits and patterns. As with so many facets of the human mind, it all comes down to repetition.
You simply have to shift, consciously, from allowing fear to creating confidence. Confidence that you are safe, you are more than worthy, you are capable of handling whatever the world throws at you.
In today's world that may be rough. Yet we do accomplish a lot more than we notice in our fearful-filtered eyes.
I decided to prove to myself that I was, indeed, delivering a lot of value. Here’s the simple yet powerful trick
Every time you accomplish something, write it on a page and throw it in a box under your desk. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
At the end of each day, notice how that box gets fuller. At the end of a week, notice it's brimming with things well done.
Truly take the time and notice. PAY ATTENTION. I started this exercise by pulling every page out, reading it, remembering the job well done. Letting that feeling of accomplishment sink in. Then the next, and the next.
This simple exercise retrains your mind using neuroplasticity. Instead of being a drone to society's programming, you're selecting your own reality. Sheet by sheet, task by task.
I know, it sounds so simple, but it works. I still use this little exercise when I feel like I'm flailing instead of accomplishing.
By the way, you can do the same thing for almost anything you do. I have one client who still adds shiny marbles to her large vase whenever she accomplishes something in her personal world.
Your Mind Over Fear
Our minds are designed to use fear wisely. We were not designed for our modern world. The constant triggers wreak havoc on our nervous systems
The powerful news is that you can reprogram your mind. It’s not a herculean effort. Rather, it takes time, patience and lots of repetition.
Over time, the instinct calms and you get really good at seeing through the trigger. At living in your reality.
And that's enough to change everything.